Magic & Maladies Read online

  Alec chuckled. “And what, pray tell, do you consider pretentious music?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Dead white guy music.” I smiled. “Basically you.”

  “And I suppose you’d want some sort of reggae or bongo beat to accompany us.”

  I recoiled. “Do you even know me?”

  “I take it the reggae is a no.” He patted his brow with a crisp, white handkerchief. “Good. I was fearful we’d have to end this right here and now.”

  “First of all, we’d have a Billy Joel cover band,” I said. “Ours would be a sunset wedding because sunsets at the beach are awesome. Raoul would be the ring bearer. Wait, no. He’d probably pawn the rings for pizza. And Marley would be my maid of honor and you’d have…” I frowned. “Who would you have?”

  He ignored my question. “Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

  I shrugged. “Not really.” Only when I accidentally watched a Hallmark movie from beginning to end, or skimmed the wedding announcements in Vox Populi, or heard a good slow song on the radio that we could claim as ‘our song.’

  Finally, it was our turn to be seated. “Bride or groom?” the usher asked.

  “Groom,” Alec said.

  I poked his side. “Good thing you didn’t wear your white linen suit or you might be mistaken for that guy,” I whispered. I motioned to a werelynx in a seersucker suit and matching hat seated on the bride’s side.

  “I hardly think that’s possible,” he sniffed, and I laughed under my breath.

  The usher escorted us to the second row on the groom’s side. The row in front of us was comprised entirely of elves. I popped my head between two of them and said, “Hey, Smith family.”

  An elderly elf at the end of the row shushed me and I straightened.

  Tanya fluttered down the row to sit beside me. “Wonderful day for a wedding, isn’t it? You look lovely, Ember. That green is gorgeous on you.”

  “Matches your wings,” I said. “Your dress is so pretty.” The pale yellow dress seemed to capture the sunlight.

  “Thank you,” Tanya said. “I made it myself.”

  “I wish I had your talent,” I said. “I can’t even sew a button.”

  “That’s what magic is for,” the fairy replied. “Honestly, I don’t understand why they waste your time with those lessons. Psychic skills and runecraft. What you need is good, old-fashioned home economics.”

  “I’ll pass your thoughts to my aunt.”

  The music increased in volume and Alec slid his hand over mine. The ceremony wasn’t too unlike a human one. Bentley and Meadow read vows they’d written themselves. The officiant was a satyr named Xander who specialized in beach weddings and had undoubtedly earned his certification online. I spent half the ceremony wondering whether he’d get grains of sand caught in his hooves that would take weeks to dislodge.

  “May the universe bestow its many gifts upon you,” Xander said, concluding the ceremony. Apparently, that was the couple’s cue to kiss. Bentley and Meadow nearly smacked foreheads but narrowly avoided a mishap. Everyone clapped politely. Not exactly a rowdy bunch.

  “You’re up,” Tanya whispered and nudged me with her elbow.

  Terrific. I stood and pointed my wand at the box on the ground next to the gazebo. If all went well, a hundred butterflies would burst out of the box and form the word ‘love’ above the couple’s heads. I’d practiced at the cottage a handful of times without any issues, so I figured I had it in the bag.

  Unfortunately, I was wrong.

  Just as I cast the spell, a gust of wind blew past and knocked the tip of my wand to the left, where the spell hit a mosquito. Now, instead of one hundred beautiful butterflies in the air, there were one hundred mosquitoes. To make matters worse, the insects only managed to spell ‘love’ for a fraction of a second before they dropped dead and plummeted to the ground in a heap between the newly married couple. Bentley and Meadow jumped backward, releasing each other’s hands and swatting at the falling mosquitoes.

  “What an omen,” someone shouted.

  I waved my wand. “Not an omen! Just an act of nature!”

  “Or an act of incompetence,” someone else muttered.

  Mother of pearl. I singlehandedly ruined Bentley’s wedding with dead bugs. Slowly, I sat down and tucked away my wand. Alec offered a sympathetic smile and patted my knee.

  “Please join us for a reception right here on Balefire Beach,” Xander said quickly, and the guests sprang to their feet. I wasn’t sure what the point of the stampede was. The mosquitoes were already dead.

  “Maybe we should go,” I said quietly to Alec.

  “Since when do you allow embarrassment to guide your actions?” he asked.

  “Bentley will want to strangle me.”

  “How is that different from any other day?” He smiled, showing his fangs. “Besides, I can’t imagine you’d be willing to forgo an open bar on the beach. It’s basically your dream date.”

  I looped my arm through his. “No, you’re my dream date…on the beach with an open bar.”

  “Come along,” he said. “I see a waiter with a tray full of bucksberry fizz.”

  “Just flash your fangs and take the whole tray,” I urged. “He won’t argue. We’ll take our drinks and hide in a cove somewhere, so we don’t have to mingle.”

  He laughed. “I’ll do no such thing.”

  We merged with the other guests and ran into Shayna, the obnoxious troll. She had a colorful cocktail with flower petals floating on top.

  “That looks amazing,” I said. “Where can I get one of those?”

  “The server with the unpolished horns who’s currently making inappropriate small talk with that ghastly Tyra,” she said. “You’d think she’d be better dressed for a wedding. After all, she calls herself a wardrobe designer. And, waiter or not, he really should have made himself more presentable. This isn’t a car salesmen convention.”

  Meadow’s uncle cleared his throat. “I understand you’re in the newspaper business,” Franco said. He directed his question to Alec, which was fair enough. Alec was the editor-in-chief and I was still trying to learn the ropes as a fledgling reporter.

  “Lovely wedding,” I said to Shayna. Small talk wasn’t my favorite pastime, but I figured I’d make an effort for Bentley’s sake. I only wished I could make an effort with someone more agreeable—or someone closer to the bar.

  “It was fine,” Shayna said dismissively. “Her dress looks like it was handed down one too many times, though. The cut was all wrong for her shape.”

  I was too startled to respond. While I wasn’t the most polite individual on the planet, that seemed a bit much, even for me. I tried to change the direction of the conversation by complimenting her. I figured shifting the focus to her was the only way to stop her from making rude comments.

  “That’s a gorgeous brooch,” I said. She wore a bejeweled pin in the shape of a flower affixed to her dress. Each petal was encrusted with a different colored gemstone.

  “It is, isn’t it? It once belonged to the famous socialite, Patricia Brickstone,” Shayna said.

  I shot Alec a helpless look. ‘Paranormal famous’ was like being ‘Jersey pretty’ as far as I was concerned.

  “That’s the upside of owning my own shop,” she continued. “Items come in already used, so I’m able to use them myself before I resell them without feeling the least bit guilty. I once wore a wrap to the opera that belonged to Madame Kasov. I still sold it the next day for a fantastic price. That money went directly into my vacation fund.”

  I’d never heard of Madame Kasov either, but I offered a vague smile. “Cool,” was the only word that seemed to capable of leaving my mouth.

  To my relief, we were interrupted by Bentley’s slightly inebriated aunt and uncle.

  “So when will it be your turn?” Bentley’s aunt asked me. “Bentley says the two of you are so in love that he keeps an anti-nausea potion in his desk drawer.”

  “Gladys!” her husb
and admonished her. “You’re not supposed to repeat things like that.”

  I avoided Alec’s gaze. “We’re not in a rush. It’s early days.”

  “Naturally, he’s not in a rush,” Gladys agreed. “He’s an immortal vampire. You, my dear, have an expiration date.” A server passed by with a tray of drinks and she swapped her empty glass for a full one.

  “Let them move at their own pace,” her husband said. “If we’d have waited, we probably wouldn’t be married now.”

  “Vito, that’s a horrible thing to say.” She sucked down the booze like it was her last drink before stepping up to the guillotine.

  “She’s quite right,” Shayna said. “I’m not interested in children—far too messy—so I never felt marriage was a priority, but from the looks of you, you’re running out of time.”

  I bristled.

  “Now, Shayna,” Franco said, sensing my annoyance. “Ember doesn’t look a day over…child-bearing age.” He wisely opted not to step into the field of land mines.

  “Alec and I are happy as we are,” I said. I didn’t want to get into personal information. It wasn’t their business. And Alec would be mortified to share details of our relationship with relative strangers. He had a hard enough time talking in therapy. At least he was still willing to partake. I’d worried that he would bail when it became too uncomfortable for him. So far, though, he seemed committed.

  “Meadow, sweetie.” Gladys lost interest in us and waved to the blushing bride.

  “Congratulations,” I said, as she approached us. Meadow seemed to have shaken off the awkwardness of the ceremony and was radiating with pure joy. If I could have bottled her positive energy and dabbed it behind my ears every morning for the rest of my life, I would have.

  “Where are you off to for this honeymoon of yours?” Franco asked. “I heard something about Africa.”

  “Oh, you wouldn’t want to go there this time of year,” Shayna said. “They’re in the Southern Hemisphere.”

  “Shayna is well traveled,” Franco said, somewhat apologetically.

  I was relieved when the troll gave Franco a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the crowd.

  “Knowing Bentley, he voted for a staycation,” I said.

  Meadow giggled. “He is somewhat of a homebody, but I don’t mind.”

  My eyes popped. “Oh no. You’re not actually doing that, are you?” I’d have to box those pointy ears of his if he’d persuaded his blushing bride to go nowhere for their honeymoon.

  “We settled on a cruise,” Meadow said. “We leave early tomorrow.” She turned to face Alec. “Thank you for arranging it, by the way. It’s a really generous gift.”

  I cut a quick glance at Alec. He hadn’t told me that he paid for their honeymoon. Every time I thought the vampire couldn’t surprise me anymore, he found a way.

  “Enjoy your time together,” Alec said. “Make it one of your most cherished memories.”

  “Today is already on the list,” Meadow said with a contented sigh. “Everyone thinks weddings are all about the bride and groom, but it’s really about the loved ones connected to us. Together, we form a complete circle, like my wedding band.” She played with the new ring on her finger.

  “That’s sweet, Meadow,” I said. “How many drinks have you had anyway?”

  Bentley appeared between us, struggling to undo his bowtie. “Formalwear at the beach. Whose idea was this?”

  “Keep going with those buttons and it’s officially a party,” I declared.

  “Now who’s had too much to drink?” Meadow teased.

  I raised my hand. “I’m sorry about the dead bugs.”

  Bentley chuckled. “It’s fine, Ember. You added a memorable moment for our guests.”

  Alec slipped an arm around my waist. “Ember is full of memorable moments. One of the many reasons that our time together is so special.”

  “Really?” My head swiveled to look at him. “How special?”

  His eyes twinkled like two stars and, for a moment, I was mesmerized. “In my long life, I’ve never wanted to know anyone the way I want to know you.”

  Bentley groaned. “Please stop. I don’t have my anti-nausea potion on me.”

  “I think it’s wonderful,” Meadow said. “The world needs more happy couples.”

  My heart thumped so hard that I was pretty sure it shook my bladder. Or—again—maybe it was down to the multiple glasses of bucksberry fizz. Who could say with certainty? Whatever the cause, now I was in dire need of the bathroom. It hadn’t occurred to me that we were on the beach with no indoor plumbing. I jostled Meadow’s arm.

  “Bathroom,” I squeaked. If too many syllables leaked out of my mouth, there was a risk that another leak would follow.

  She pointed at a row of portable toilets set up further down the beach. I kicked off my shoes and hurried toward them like an oasis in the desert.

  “All the magic in this town and they still have port-a-potties?” I muttered.

  Each one I tried was locked or out of toilet paper, so I continued down the row until I reached the one on the end. The door seemed more stuck than locked, so I gave it a yank. Finally, the door swung open and, before I could enter, a large paranormal toppled forward. I stumbled backward to avoid her and fell flat in the sand. The guest landed on top of me with a thud.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, struggling to breathe with her weight on me. “Are you okay?”

  She didn’t move and I wondered whether she’d been knocked unconscious. I managed to roll her off of me and realized with a start that the guest was Shayna. I wiggled her arm and called her name but to no avail. Panic erupted inside me.

  A guest emerged from the neighboring stall. “Someone’s had too many drinks,” the berserker said and laughed.

  “No,” I said, a wave of nausea washing over me. My dream wedding had suddenly become a nightmare. “Someone’s dead.”

  Chapter Three

  “You can’t be serious, Rose.” Deputy Bolan looked from me to the dead troll on the beach. “You’re like a walking reminder of the circle of life. I’m glad you weren’t at my wedding. I probably wouldn’t have made it out alive.”

  I glared at the leprechaun. “It was an accident.”

  “No, an accident is not making it to the toilet in time,” the deputy said, smirking.

  A blush rose to my cheeks. Thankfully, I’d dashed into the empty stall the berserker had vacated while I waited for the sheriff and deputy to arrive.

  “Now, Deputy. Let’s keep this investigation about the deceased.” Sheriff Granger Nash swaggered his way around the troll’s body. “Why don’t we clear the area and secure the scene?”

  “Everybody, go back to your libations,” the deputy shouted.

  “You can’t close off the whole area,” I said. “We need at least one toilet. There are about a hundred guests here.”

  “I see where your priorities are, Rose,” Deputy Bolan said.

  The sheriff gave me a lingering look before turning to the deputy. “Leave the stall at the far end available for guests, please. We’re not animals.” He paused. “Most of the time.”

  “Got it,” the leprechaun replied.

  Loitering guests shuffled back to the reception, except one who came storming through the crowd. Crap in a burrito. Franco took one look at the lifeless body in the sand and rushed forward.

  “Shayna?” He shook her shoulders. “Shayna, what happened?”

  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to take a step back,” Sheriff Nash said.

  Franco’s expression crumpled. “Is she going to be okay? Where are the healers?”

  I crouched beside him. “Franco,” I said softly. “Why don’t you come with me? Your son’s here, isn’t he?”

  “Right here,” the young man said. I’d met him earlier but had already forgotten his name. He looked nothing like Franco, so I assumed he favored his mother. According to Bentley, Meadow’s aunt had died a few years ago when their son was away at univer
sity.

  “I’m Sheriff Nash,” the werewolf said. “Would you mind taking your dad home for now? We’ll want to speak with him, but we’ve got work to do first.”

  “Of course,” the young man said. I moved aside so that he could coax his dad away from Shayna. “Dad, I’m going to take you home now, okay?”

  Franco wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and started to sob. “Why does this keep happening to me?”

  He placed a gentle hand on his father’s shoulder. “Come on, Dad. Let the police do their work.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” I said, as Franco’s son managed to steer him away. I turned back to the sheriff. “I guess you want me to go, too.”

  “Never, Rose,” he replied, so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him. Almost. He cleared his throat. “As long as you don’t get underfoot, you can stay.”

  “Sheriff,” the leprechaun started to complain but quickly clamped his mouth shut. He knew better to argue with his boss when it came to me.

  “It looks like she choked to death,” the sheriff said. “There’s evidence of vomiting in the stall.”

  “It’s a wedding,” I said. “That could be anyone’s.” Thankfully, my dizzy head was slowly clearing. A dead troll will sober anyone up quickly.

  “I’ll be sure to have it tested, Rose,” he said. “This isn’t my first crime scene.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I know you know what you’re doing.”

  He cupped a hand to his ear. “What was that? I don’t think I heard you.”

  “Hey, boss,” the deputy said. “Did you see her neck?”

  “I’m not here to ogle Rose, Deputy,” he replied. “Besides, it’s not her neck I’m most interested in. I’m not Hale, am I?”

  I brushed off the remark. I knew that Granger was still hurting so it was no surprise that he’d take a potshot at Alec.

  “Not her neck,” the leprechaun said. “Hers.” He pointed to the troll.

  Sheriff Nash seemed mildly embarrassed by the misunderstanding. “Yeah. Red marks. Evidence of a struggle.”

  “Not an accident, Rose,” the deputy said, not bothering to disguise his smug tone.