Murder and Mahjong Read online

  “Hey, are there leprechauns here?”

  He nodded. “They live in Zone 2 with the other supernaturals. Zone 1 has gods, goddesses, and demigods like me.”

  “Part of me still thinks I’m going to wake up and that this was all some crazy, drug-induced dream.”

  Cole slowed to a stop in front of a charming bungalow painted a pale blue-green with a black door and white shutters. The front porch was compact but welcoming.

  “Home sweet home,” he said.

  It seemed appropriate that my house was now number 47—same as my age. Since I was now dead, I’d be the same age forever.

  It felt strange to open the door to a house I’d never set foot in and claim it as my own. Cole seemed to sense my unease.

  “Do you want me to go in with you?”

  I was embarrassed to admit that I did. “Would you mind?” I opened the door and entered the small foyer. The walls were still decorated with the previous occupant’s artwork. Thankfully I didn’t mind nature scenes.

  “I should probably check if Zeus’s body is still here,” Cole said. “Say goodbye.”

  “Do you always call your dad by his first name?”

  Cole shrugged. “Well, he doesn’t have a last name.”

  “You know what I mean. You don’t…didn’t call him Dad?”

  A shadow passed over the demigod’s face. “Sometimes I refer to him as ‘my father,’ but ‘Dad’ never felt right on my tongue.”

  “You know what would feel right on my tongue?” I asked. The look Cole gave me made my cheeks burn. “Alcohol,” I added hastily. “And lots of it.”

  “There are a few good bars in Zone 1. A lot of folks like Nectar.” He gave the interior a cursory glance. “I think this place will suit you. I’ll head out and let you get settled. Why don’t we meet up tomorrow and decide on next steps? I’ll swing by around ten.”

  “Okay.” I’d have to figure out how to buy clothes before then. “Hey, thanks for agreeing to be my deputy. I know you weren’t exactly thrilled, but I appreciate not throwing me to the wolves.” Hmm. I wondered whether that expression was offensive to werewolves.

  He grunted and left the house. I stood awkwardly in the unfamiliar foyer, not sure what to do next. I decided to check out the kitchen first. I liked my kitchen in Chipping Cheddar, so I was curious to see what 47 Hamilton had to offer. From what I could see, everything was an upgrade. Nicer fridge. Nicer stove. I ran a hand along the smooth marble. Definitely nicer countertops. The white and silver color scheme was light and airy with a touch of glamour. I felt like I was standing in the pages of a home and gardens magazine. Not too shabby for supernatural purgatory.

  I ventured to the other rooms in the house. The master bedroom was more feminine than my old one, with a floral bedspread and a canopy bed. I hopped on top of the bed and pressed my hands down on the mattress. Not too firm. I took a nosedive on the bed to test the pillow. I was fussy about pillows because I had a perpetual kink in my neck. I’d even tried rolling a towel in lieu of a pillow, but the tension had remained. The moment my head rested against the pillow, I began to yawn. No surprise I was exhausted from all the hullabaloo. I closed my eyes and settled down for a power nap.

  My body jerked at the sound of knocking. I blinked and wiped the drool from my cheek. The fact that it was caked on suggested I’d been asleep for longer than I’d intended.

  I bolted from the bedroom and hurried to open the front door. A matronly woman stood on the porch, smiling at me. She wore a floral print dress and her brown hair fell just below her ears. Her gold earrings were shaped like flowers. I sensed a theme.

  “Welcome, Eloise. I’m your new neighbor, Addephagia,” she said brightly. “Everyone calls me Gia.”

  “I should hope so with that mouthful,” I said.

  “I brought you something to welcome you to the neighborhood,” she said. “Hey, it matches your outfit.”

  My gaze dropped to the bright purple flower in a cheerful yellow pot. “Oh, wow. Beautiful, but you should probably keep it. I can’t keep anything alive, including me apparently.” I offered an embarrassed smile.

  “Not to worry,” Gia said. “I added a special potion to the water to keep it looking spry.”

  “You can do that?” If there was a potion like that to keep humans looking spry, there’d be no need for plastic surgery.

  “Of course. I mean, I don’t make the potion myself,” she said. “I buy it from the witches. Easy peasy.”

  Inwardly I groaned. Easy peasy was an expression here? I would’ve liked to leave that one behind, along with okey dokey and cool bananas. My stepmom Anita used to say ‘easy peasy lemon squeezy’ all the time and it made me want to lemon squeezy her turkey neck.

  Everyone should know how to light a cigarette using the gas stovetop, she’d told me.

  But I don’t smoke.

  But I do, and if I want you to light me a cigarette, you need to be familiar with all the options. She’d turned the knob and held the tip of the cigarette close to the blue flame. See? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now you try.

  It didn’t seem fair that I was here and Anita was still free to wear clothes with the tags on and return them later for a full refund.

  Gia’s voice snapped me out of my flashback. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

  “Um.” I glanced over my shoulder. “It’s not like I have anything to offer you.”

  “In that case, you can come to my house.” She handed me the pot. “Take this inside and come on over. I’ll make us a nice cup of hibiscus tea.”

  I hesitated. “I don’t actually have any clothes to change into.”

  Gia’s brow lifted. “No, of course you wouldn’t. It’s not like you were expected. I had a lovely selection of togas waiting for me when I arrived. That was back when they were all the rage.” She whooshed a hand back. “I’m the goddess of good cheer. I own the flower shop here in Zone 1.”

  “Too bad it’s not a clothing shop.”

  Gia chewed her lip thoughtfully. “You know what? Ariadne wasn’t too much bigger than you. I bet some of her clothes are still in the drawers.”

  “Ariadne is the one who…ascended?”

  “Yes, that lucky thing.” Gia’s smile broadened. “Never mind that. Why don’t you see what you can find? I don’t mind waiting.”

  I raced back to the master bedroom, leaving the plant on the dresser, and rifled through the drawers. Ariadne’s clothes were neatly folded inside. I pulled out a pair of leggings and a leopard print top that was sure to cover my butt. I wasn’t a huge fan of animal print, but it would serve its purpose for now. Although the outfit was slightly too big, as long as my leggings didn’t fall down, I was good with it. I hurried to rejoin Gia on the front porch.

  “That’s pretty good,” Gia said. “Once you’re settled, there are plenty of great places to shop. You’ll be spoiled for choice.” She started down the porch steps and I followed.

  As we crossed the driveway, I noticed a golf cart. “Is that mine?”

  Gia clapped her hands together. “Yes. Isn’t it lovely?”

  I grimaced. “You can’t be serious.”

  “What’s the matter with it?” Gia asked. “It has a rainbow painted on the side with glitter. What could be more uplifting than that?”

  I gestured lamely to the golf cart. “This looks like the product of a one-night stand between a unicorn and a Mini Cooper.”

  A peal of laughter escaped her. “Oh, you’re such a hoot, Eloise. I’m so glad we’re neighbors.”

  Gia’s bungalow was similar to mine, except her front garden was awash in colorful flowers, leaving the walkway barely visible. Everywhere I turned, I was assaulted by a stem, a petal, or a vine. Still, the riot of colors and fragrant smells boosted my mood immediately. By the time we entered the house, I was chattering away to Gia like we’d met drunk in the bathroom stalls at a nightclub.

  “How did you end up here?” I asked. “It seems to me the goddess of good cheer is guaranteed a good spot upstairs.”

  Gia’s expression clouded over. “It happens to the best of us.”

  “Does it? I would think the whole idea of ‘best’ means you get to bypass this place.”

  “Have I mentioned I grow many of the flowers I sell right here in the garden? I also own a small plot of land near The Great Divide.”

  Although I was aware that she’d deliberately changed the subject, I let it go for now. We were neighbors, so there was plenty of time to dig into her past and uncover her dirty secrets.

  “Many of the plants and flowers in my shop are supplied by other villagers with a talent for gardening,” she continued. “You should come by and see them.”

  “Sure. Once I’ve solved the case and not been obliterated by Zeus’s scary ex-wife, I’ll be happy to check it out.”

  “Great.” She beamed. “The shop is on the corner of Washington and Jefferson. It’s called Bloom.”

  “Are all the streets in Zone 1 named after U.S. Founding Fathers?” It seemed like an odd choice for a place occupied by gods and other supernaturals.

  “What are Founding Fathers?” she asked, as she set the kettle on the stovetop to boil the water.

  “Forget it.”

  Her kitchen was as haphazard as her garden, but there was a certain charm to it. Wooden ducks in various poses lined one windowsill and a painted sign hung over the entryway to the kitchen that read life is the flower for which love is the honey.

  “Have you had a tour of the village yet?”

  “Not yet. Cole is coming by tomorrow, but that’s to talk about the investigation.”

  “Cole? Lucky you.” She winked.

  “Unlucky him,” I said. “Hera was all too happy to strong-arm him.”

  “Well, you have
to remember that Cole is a walking, talking reminder of Zeus’s infidelity. Bless his beautiful heart.”

  I inhaled the aroma of the hibiscus as Gia prepared the tea. Although I was more of a coffee person, I had to admit that the tea smelled nice.

  “I can’t wait for you to meet everyone,” Gia said. Her eyes sparkled as she delivered my cup of tea to the table. “Ooh, we should throw you a welcome party.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” In truth, I loved parties, especially ones thrown in my honor, but I was wary of being in the spotlight here under the current circumstances.

  Gia patted my hand. “No need to be shy, honey. Before you know it, you’ll be best friends with everybody.”

  That seemed highly unlikely given my track record with relationships. “You seem like an optimistic person…I mean, supernatural, or should I say goddess?”

  Gia waved me off. “Feel free to call me whatever rolls off your tongue. We don’t stand on ceremony around here.”

  “Maybe you don’t,” I said, “but I’ve met some others that seem to stand very firmly on it.”

  “Never mind Hera. I’m your neighbor and neighbors look out for each other, don’t we?”

  My head began to buzz as buried moments of transgressions involving past neighbors burst to the surface. Having one of their cars towed right out of their own driveway. Burying durian in the garden by the front door. Subscribing one of my very conservative neighbors to New Yorker magazine.

  “Of course,” I eked out.

  Gia’s smile was infectious and I found myself mirroring her cheerful expression. Was it some kind of godly magic? I wasn’t easily influenced by others, unless there was sex or money at stake. Serve up a hot guy with dark eyes and long eyelashes in a Cancun bar and you could convince me to do body shots and film a wet T-shirt contest for an undisclosed viewership. Hypothetically.

  “You must have so many questions about Divine Place,” Gia said. “Lay them on me. Anything you like.” She wiggled her fingers in a ‘come hither’ gesture.

  I shifted in my chair. I suddenly felt like my mother was trying to have a talk with me about the birds and the bees, not that my actual mother would have done that. She spared herself any form of embarrassment and any reminder that she was a mother. Judith preferred to pretend that she was a carefree young woman and the little people clutching her hands were mere accessories to change with the seasons. Unfortunately, my stepmom wasn’t much better. Maybe if my father had better taste in women, my childhood would’ve played out differently. Then again, my father wasn’t exactly winning any awards in the parent department.

  “Where’s the best place to buy alcohol?” I asked. “And do I need to worry about alligators?”

  Gia cleared her throat. “I must admit, those were not the questions I expected. Are you planning a party already?”

  “No, why?”

  Gia blew the steam off her tea. “Why else would you buy alcohol for your house?”

  “To drink,” I replied simply.

  “But drinking is such a social activity. Why not drink at one of our wonderful establishments among friends?”

  “I’m sure I will, but I also like to drink in the privacy of my own home.”

  “I see,” Gia said. Her expression suggested that she disapproved. “Shades and Spirits sells alcohol, as does Decanted. As for the alligators, not to worry. The only wild animals you have to worry about are the shifters when they transform.”

  “Cool. Is there a speed limit?”

  “No, but golf carts and scooters don’t tend to go very fast and there are plenty of speed bumps to slow you down.”

  I was already picturing ways to increase the speed of my golf cart. Fast cars were one of my many guilty pleasures, along with Bravo TV and chocolate with peanut butter.

  “Anything else?” Gia prodded.

  “How do I buy stuff here? Or is everything free?”

  She snorted. “Nothing in the afterlife is free. You’ll have to get a job.”

  “Wait, what?” I was dead and I still had to work? That seemed fundamentally unfair. “Would I have to work if I were in the place for humans?”

  “If you were in human purgatory, I suspect you’d still need to work. If you went to one of the good places, then no.” Her face lit up. “But when you love what you do, you never work a day in your afterlife.”

  “I’ve never loved anything that much.”

  Gia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What was your job before you died?”

  My mind raced through the dozens of jobs I’d quit during my adult life. I never found anywhere that suited me and, inevitably, someone acted like a douchenozzle—usually a male manager with adult acne—and I’d give notice. I didn’t seem to have trouble finding a job; it was keeping a job that was the problem.

  I started to tick them off on my fingers. “I worked as a cashier. I was a bank teller. I worked in a pharmacy.” Until they caught me siphoning pills from the pharmacist with the roving eye. Lloyd had been too fixated on my low-cut tops to count properly, which I guess I used to my advantage. I never took anything that would have resulted in a life-threatening issue. I’m not a complete monster. Mostly sedatives like Xanax so that I could pop them into my smoothies like that actress from Real Housewives.

  Gia’s thick eyebrows drew together, forming one long caterpillar. “You’ve had a lot of life experience for someone so young.”

  Being referred to as young was music to my ears. “I also sold ads for the local newspaper until they hired some hot blonde to replace me.” What kind of name was Sassafras Persimmons anyway? She looked like she’d stepped straight out of the pages of Cheerleader Monthly.

  “Maybe you could sell ads for the newspaper here,” Gia suggested. “That’s a nice office. Everyone there is delightful. If you’re interested, I can put in a good word. I know everyone here.”

  Most of the time, people who ‘knew everyone’ were the worst proponents of the rumor mill. My stepmom was one of them. Anita would smile and pretend to commiserate with Sharon Musgrove over her divorce or Emily Parker over the loss of her job, but then immediately start a group text to spread the word. Sharon’s divorce was particularly bad form because Sharon’s sister was included in the group text and Sharon hadn’t told her family yet. To my surprise, I didn’t get the impression that Gia was a gossip.

  “I’ll consider it,” I said. “Thanks.”

  “I’d offer you a position in my flower shop, but I don’t have any openings at the moment.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “I’m the last person you’d want in a flower shop anyway. I’d kill everything in sight before you had a chance to sell them.”

  “I’m sure you’re not as bad as that,” Gia said.

  I sank further down in my chair. “You have no idea.”

  “How about you finish up your tea and I’ll take you on a tour of Zone 1 before it gets dark? That way you can get a good look at everything.”

  “I think I’m pretty beat, to be honest, but thanks for the offer.”

  “At least let me send you home with some goodies.” She wagged a finger. “No starvation on my watch.”

  “I guess it would be rude to turn down free food,” I said.

  Gia pushed back her chair and began to rummage through the cupboards and the fridge. She piled several containers on the counter. “This will tide you over until you can shop.”

  I gaped at the amount of food. “Wow. Thanks, Gia. This is so nice of you.” I spotted a cupcake wedged between a block of cheese and an orange and started to salivate. I never managed to leave family gatherings with leftovers. My parents always asked me to bring most of the food because I was single and childless, unlike my brothers. Somehow this equated to disposable time and money in their eyes.

  I left Gia’s house with a shopping bag bursting with food containers. I found a home for them in my own kitchen and retired to the bedroom to hunt for toiletries and towels for the shower. By the time I changed into Ariadne’s baggy pajamas, I was ready to fall into a coma. I slid under the covers and gazed at the canopy over my head, wondering whether this was the most intense dream I’d ever had and I’d wake up in Chipping Cheddar with Mischief curled up on my chest.