Graves and Golf Carts Read online

  Agatha’s expression soured. “I guess that didn’t occur to me. My feelings for her at that point were so negative that I didn’t wish for anything good to happen to her. I know that sounds awful, especially now that she’s gone.”

  “I feel your pain,” I said. “When I was in high school, there was this guy I liked named Jude Kaminsky and I knew he liked my frenemy, Mindy Fontaine.”

  “Frenemy?” Agatha asked.

  “It’s one of those combo words like Brangelina.” They continued to look at me with blank faces. “It means someone who’s kind of a friend, but it also wouldn’t be the end of the world if they acquired a disfiguring disease.”

  “So Helen-Mary was my frenemy,” Agatha said.

  “We’re talking about me now. Stop trying to make this about you.” I shook my head in disdain. “Anyhoo, the spring fling was coming up and I kept trying to trip Mindy so she’d get hurt—not badly, just enough that she wouldn’t be able to go to the dance.”

  “That’s terrible,” Roderick said. “I hope your efforts were unsuccessful.”

  “Sort of. There was an outbreak of chickenpox and apparently Mindy hadn’t been vaccinated.”

  “You gave her a disease?” Roderick asked in disbelief.

  “Not personally. She got it from the kid she used to babysit after school, but it happened to work in my favor.” I shrugged. “It wasn’t as disfiguring as it could’ve been. There are so many products on the market these days for facial scars.”

  “And did you go to the spring fling with the boy?” Agatha asked. I must’ve really sold the story because she seemed invested in the outcome.

  “No, he stayed home with her and scratched her itchy parts.” I paused. “Then he scratched his own itch, from what I heard.”

  Roderick frowned. “Meaning?”

  “They had sex, Roderick,” I said.

  “I see.”

  “What happens now?” Agatha asked. “If I was the last one seen with her and we have this history…” She grimaced, the realization settling in. “I didn’t do anything to her. When I left, she was fine. I swear to Hecate.”

  “I can vouch for her,” Roderick said. “She came straight to me from the golf course clearly upset about the promotion. I would’ve known if it was something worse than that.” He turned and kissed her on the top of the head. “You won’t find a kinder, gentler soul than Agatha. I’ve never seen her so much as step on an ant.”

  “Maybe not on purpose,” I said. “But unless you’re looking out for them, it’s very easy to step on dozens of them without realizing it.”

  His brow furrowed. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.”

  “I hate to ask because I don’t want the nightmares,” Agatha said, “but would you mind telling me how she died?”

  “Are you sure you want to know?” I didn’t want to know but, as the marshal, I didn’t have the luxury of ignorance.

  Agatha nodded.

  “Someone shoved a golf club into her chest and struck her through the heart.”

  Agatha winced as though feeling the pain of it. Even Roderick appeared troubled by the information, sliding an uncomfortable hand through his hair.

  “You know what?” Agatha said, her eyes brightening. “There’s someone else you should talk to. I saw him when I left the golf course. It didn’t really register at the time because I was upset and focused on my conversation with Helen-Mary.”

  “I’m sure you passed a lot of supernaturals near the golf course,” I said. “It’s a busy area.”

  She shook her finger. “No, I mean someone with a grudge against Helen-Mary. A werewolf named Fred.”

  Okay, this was promising. “And you saw him near the golf course when you left?”

  She seemed energized by this recollection. “Yes, you should definitely talk to him. He and Helen-Mary had a rocky history and I don’t think he was holding a golf club.”

  “Is that unusual though? Some leprechaun told me that certain species don’t like to touch golf clubs because of the iron.”

  “Werewolves aren’t as bad as we fae,” Roderick said. “They have more issues with silver.”

  “Do all fae age as well as you or are you one of the lucky ones?” I asked. I thought of the guys at my twenty-year high school reunion that looked like they’d taken more than one turn on the wheel of life.

  Agatha answered for him. “A bit of both, I’d say.”

  “Werewolves are sensitive though,” Roderick continued. “Fred likely wouldn’t have held a club without gloves or some sort of protective layer.”

  “I’m fine to hold one,” Agatha said. “It’s being struck through the heart that’s the problem.”

  “I would imagine that’s a problem regardless of species,” I said. It was doubtful any of us would’ve survived an attack like that. “I’ll speak to Fred. In the meantime, if you think of anything else, please let me know.” I started to walk away.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” Agatha called. “Don’t you need to swab my hands for evidence? I’ve seen human crime dramas. There’s usually some sort of samples provided to law enforcement.”

  I craned my neck to look at her, hurrying to think of something. I didn’t want to appear incompetent. “I’ll take a strand of your hair back to the lab.”

  Agatha nodded vigorously and plucked a gray hair from her head. “I will fully comply with this investigation, Marshal Worthington. You can count on me.”

  I took the hair and placed it carefully in my pocket before a breeze whisked it away. If Mitzi ever had to perform a locator spell on Agatha, I had her covered.

  “Your move, darling,” Roderick said.

  Agatha glanced at the chess pieces with a glum expression. “I can’t say I’m much in the mood for chess anymore.”

  “I can understand that.” Only because I wasn’t in the mood for chess ever. “Thanks for your cooperation. Be sure not to leave town.”

  Agatha’s withering stare rivaled her friend Hera’s. “I’ll have my assistant cancel my travel plans.”

  I hurried away before she decided to launch a giant chess piece in my direction. I’d already been killed by a snake; the last thing I wanted was to be obliterated by a horse.

  Chapter Five

  As tempted as I was to go straight home upon my return from Zone 2, I did the dutiful thing and went to the lab to check on Mitzi’s progress with the body. The young witch would likely be hard at work trying to catalogue any signs of potential evidence.

  I pushed open the door to Brigit’s office to see the Celtic goddess of healing chatting with a younger, hotter, male version of herself. “Mother of DNA, Brigit. You didn’t tell me your brother was here too.”

  “Welcome, Eloise. This is my cousin, Angus.”

  “The god of love,” he added with a huge grin.

  “You?” I asked. “You don’t look old enough to buy alcohol, yet you can decide who falls in love?”

  Angus couldn’t stop grinning at me. “Your hair is as fine as the silk my sheets are made of.”

  “Oh, wow. I appreciate the compliment, but I’m a forty-seven-year-old human and you’re…”

  “Much older,” Angus said.

  “You don’t look older. You’re like the Doogie Howser of deities.”

  “I can assure you that my cousin is older than he appears,” Brigit said.

  He gave me a lingering look that made even the tiny hairs on the backs of my knees stand on end. “Trust me, Eloise. I have many, many years of life experience.”

  Apparently Angus had been around the block more times than Superman circumnavigated the earth to turn back time in the original Superman II.

  I waved my hands. “No, forget it. I can’t. I don’t care if you’re an ancient deity. I’d feel like a cougar.”

  “And what’s wrong with that? Cougars are magnificent creatures.” Even his grin promised great sex. How was that possible?

  “They really are.” Although I’d enjoyed a few dates with younger guys, none l
ooked as young as Angus. Hot or not, I couldn’t go through with it. “You know what? I have an obliterated body in the back that needs my attention right now.”

  Angus blanched. “Pardon?”

  “Eloise is the marshal and she uses the room at the back of my office as her lair,” Brigit said.

  “Not lair,” I said firmly. “Lab. We use it as a crime lab.”

  Brigit smiled. “Yes, that.”

  Angus seemed uncertain of this unexpected development and I realized that I could use it to my advantage. “There’s nothing like examining a dead body right before lunch. Just gets those hunger juices flowing.”

  He inched backward. “I wouldn’t know. I’m not a vampire.”

  “Oh, too bad because vampires are what rev my engine, as long as they don’t sparkle.”

  As if on cue, Jules burst into the room from the corridor. “Can you quit flirting and get back here? Mitzi and I shouldn’t be doing all the work when we’re not even on the payroll.”

  I patted Angus’s cheek. “I’ll see you around, lover boy.”

  “I shall make it my mission to woo you,” he called after me.

  Jules snorted as we walked to the lab. “You made a new friend, I see. Good for you.”

  “How many STIs must that guy have?” I whispered. “He’s probably been in and out more times than leopard prints.”

  Jules marched through the doorway and I glimpsed Mitzi next to Helen-Mary’s body on the slab that protruded from the wall. The golf club was still stuck in her chest.

  “You haven’t taken the club out yet?” I asked.

  “Not yet,” Mitzi said with a touch of defensiveness. “I’m making sure that I note everything I see first, in case it gets…messy.”

  I cringed at the thought. “This isn’t an issue for you, is it?”

  “Not really. Dead bodies don’t bother me.”

  “No, I mean the fact that Helen-Mary is a witch.”

  Mitzi shook her head. “We weren’t close. We’re not even members of the same coven.”

  Well, that was a relief because I didn’t want to do whatever work she was doing right now.

  “Have you found anything?” I asked.

  “I tried to do a spell that examines the body for fibers and hairs that don’t belong to the victim.” Mitzi’s glasses slid down and she pushed them back to the bridge of her nose.

  “That sounds amazing,” I said. “What did you find?”

  “Nothing yet. I haven’t managed to do the spell properly.”

  I masked my disappointment. “That’s too bad.”

  “Don’t look at me like that,” Mitzi said. “I’m doing my best.”

  Okay, so apparently my mask needed a little tweaking.

  “She’s only made a couple of holes where they don’t belong,” Jules said. “But it’s obvious which ones are from Mitzi.”

  I gaped at them. “You put holes in Helen-Mary?”

  “Not on purpose,” Mitzi said.

  “Just work around them,” Jules said with a casual shrug. “And the burn marks too.”

  I smacked my forehead. “You burned her? I know she’s a witch, but come on.”

  Mitzi lifted her chin a fraction. “If you want to handle this on your own, I’ll be happy to hand over my notes.”

  I peered at the sheet of paper on the table beside her. “What are all these notes anyway?”

  “I’m writing down everything I see and marking which…abnormalities were caused by me.”

  I squinted. “Possibly shaves her mustache?” I looked at Mitzi. “Do me a favor and stay far away from my body if I ever get obliterated. I don’t need this kind of criticism after I die. Again.”

  “It isn’t criticism,” Mitzi said. “It could end up being relevant. We won’t know until you’ve done more of an investigation.”

  “If she had a Bic razor lodged in her chest, I might agree with you.” I picked up the quill and crossed out the note. “No beauty commentary, please. At least not in writing. We can gossip about her nose hair without writing it down for posterity.”

  Jules scrunched her nose. “She does have an unseemly number of them. One of them is even long enough to curl up at the end.”

  “Any thoughts on how long we have until her body disintegrates?” I asked.

  “No idea,” Mitzi said.

  “I’m sure it doesn’t help that you keep experimenting on her,” I said.

  “How else am I supposed to get better at this?” Mitzi asked. “Think of her as someone in the human world that donated her body to science. She’s furthering my magical education for the good of the community.”

  “Except she didn’t volunteer for it,” Jules said.

  “Only because the option hadn’t been presented to her,” Mitzi said. “I knew her well enough that I feel confident she’d be okay with this, especially because I’m using magic.”

  “Honestly, I think she’d be fine with anything we did, as long as it helped us catch her killer,” I said. I knew I would be.

  “Where’s Cole?” Jules asked. “I thought he’d want to come and play second fiddle.”

  “I haven’t told him yet,” I said.

  They both looked at me. “Why not?” Mitzi asked. “Hera might be angry if she thinks he’s not doing his job. She’s always looking for a reason to be annoyed with Cole.”

  “Is this because of your date with Aidan?” Jules asked.

  “You have a date?” Mitzi asked, her eyes shining with interest.

  “It’s no big deal,” I said. “Let’s not talk about it right now.”

  “When is it?” Mitzi asked.

  “Tonight,” I said.

  Mitzi chewed her lip. “Maybe you should postpone for forty-eight hours.”

  “Wait until Helen-Mary’s body disappears? What good would that do?” I asked. “The case might still be open regardless of her physical presence.”

  “We have such little time left with her.” Mitzi gazed at the green-hued witch. “We should spend it focused on the body. You can go out with Aidan anytime.”

  “You don’t understand,” I said. “Aidan is incredibly hot.”

  Mitzi peered over the rim of her glasses at me. “And?”

  “And he’s incredibly hot. What else do you need?”

  Jules nudged me with her shoulder. “Eloise had another admirer today too. Angus.”

  Mitzi sucked in a surprised breath. “Angus as in the Celtic god of love?”

  “That’s the one,” I said. “You know him?”

  The young witch’s cheeks were tinged with pink. “Of course. He’s only one of the handsomest, sweetest, most charming…”

  “Oh wow. I think I hurt a romantic nerve-ending.”

  “He asked you out?” Mitzi gazed at me in wonder.

  “He’s too young for me,” I said. “Feel free to ride him reverse, side-saddle, or however you like.”

  Mitzi splayed a hand against her chest. “Goodness gracious. I’m not…I’m not.” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

  I laughed and pointed. “You can’t even say the words. Are you really that repressed? This is Divine Place, Mitzi. Supernatural purgatory. The afterlife. You should be living it up.”

  Mitzi lowered her head. “That’s not my style.”

  “I think your penchant for polka dots makes that abundantly clear,” Jules said.

  “Nice alliteration with a side of sting.” I held up my hand for a high-five.

  “If you think the god is so dreamy, then ask him out,” Jules said. “You don’t have to wait for him to notice you.”

  The pink in Mitzi’s cheeks spread to the rest of her face. “I couldn’t possibly do that.”

  “Of course you can. It’s easy. He hadn’t even said hello before he was picturing me in his bed. The guy clearly has lady fever.” And he was experienced enough to know how to handle a delicate flower like Mitzi.

  “Maybe he’s still out there,” Jules said, pointing toward the waiting area. “Go and see.”<
br />
  Mitzi’s eyes rounded. “He’s out there right now?”

  “That’s where I met him,” I said.

  The witch shook her head repeatedly. “No, not now. Maybe another time.”

  I started to bawk like a chicken. Not my most mature moment, but since when did I care about that?

  Jules gave me a cursory glance. “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but it’s highly irritating.”

  I immediately stopped. “Why don’t you talk to Brigit and see if she can feel him out for you? She’s his cousin. She’d put in a good word for you.”

  Mitzi seemed to contemplate the option. “Brigit and I do get along well.”

  “Unlike Helen-Mary and Agatha,” I said, glancing at the body. “Those two were big-time frenemies.”

  “They were not,” Mitzi said.

  “I spoke to Agatha,” I said. “She confirmed it.”

  Mitzi sat in a chair wearing a dazed expression. “I always thought they were so close. I used to see them together and feel this pang of envy because the only one I’m that close to is Daisy.”

  “Yet another reason to make a play for Angus,” I said. I gave them a rundown of my conversation with Agatha and Roderick. “And he’s quite the slick gentleman companion.”

  “He’s fae,” Jules said. “They’re almost all like that.”

  “I gotta be honest,” I said. “I like how supportive he was of Agatha. It was masculine without being macho.”

  “Kind of how Cole is with you,” Mitzi said.

  “What?” Now it was my turn to blush. “He is not.”

  “I have to agree with Missy,” Jules said. “I’ve been seeing a whole new side of Cole since you came to town.”

  “Mitzi,” the witch said.

  Jules frowned at her. “No, we’re talking about Cole. I didn’t really know you.”

  “What was he like when you were with him?” I asked. I knew very little about their romantic history other than the fact that it existed.

  Jules averted her gaze. “He was still living in the past and I wasn’t the right one to drag him into the present.” It was a rare moment of sincerity from the vampire.

  “Well, not that my opinion counts for anything, but I think you and Cole are perfect for each other, Eloise,” Mitzi said. “You have real chemistry.”